Happy 3-Month Birthday, Sweet Baby

Baby Boy~

It is hard to believe that it has been 3 whole months since the first time we heard your sweet cry. What we would give to hear that again... but that is selfish on our part, for you are in the best place right now. You are in heaven, and we are here...so very far away from you. But still, we hold you forever in our hearts, where you will always be. And still, we thank God for every precious moment we had with you. You will always be our miracle, Baby Boy.

We love you~ Mommy and Daddy

Peace

I was telling Mike tonight how the ache in my heart is getting bigger again, now that we are quickly inching closer to our due date of April 5th. What else is there to do than to grab on to that peace that God can give us? I know sometimes for me, it comes down to a choice. I can let myself stay forever wallowing in my sorrow, which trust me...I could so easily do sometimes. Or I can CHOOSE to believe that God has a plan and He knows what He's doing. That doesn't mean I don't cry and grieve...I cry a lot! Sometimes all day, and sometimes it's an all-weekender event. But I don't let myself stay there permanently. If I did, I wouldn't be seeing the good and the blessing from my little Tyer's life. That's the road I've got to take. Not just for my own sanity, but for my little boy. Meeting him and having his purity and innocence in my hands inspired me to be the Mommy he needed, and now inspires me to be a better person...to be the person God planned me to be all along.

So about that peace?

I need that peace now. That peace that passes the need to understand any of this. The peace that passes the urge to figure all of this out.

I'm asking you for it, God, and I thank you for giving it to me!

"And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Him." ~Philipians 4:7

Priceless

So with tax season coming up, I found myself feeling sick thinking about a tax credit for having our baby in 2007. I asked my husband about it, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I just felt guilty. It's a hard thing to explain, but the whole idea of that just made me sick to think about. Get money back for our baby? Our baby that we lost? In a crazy way, it's like putting a price tag on our time with him...

Tax credit= $1,000
Time with Tyler= 6 days
Benefit per day= $167.00

As silly as it all may sound, I can't help but feel like I would rather get no money. It's not like I want a larger amount, I just don't want any at all. No one can pay any amount for that time we had with our precious son. In fact, I would pay a million dollars just to have one day again. One more day to feel that tiny hand clenching my finger. One more day to eagerly get ready to visit him. One more day to see him respond to my voice. One more day just to whisper into his ear, "Mommy loves you, sweet baby." One day to have the chance to hold him before he died. One day just to lay my face against his little belly.

One more day, that's all.

I would give anything.

Purpose

As you already know, this blog is in memory of my sweet baby and the 6 wonderful days we had with him. At first, I had debated about sharing such personal information with complete and total strangers, but if there is even one person out there that feels encouraged, then the mission of this blog has been accomplished. Secondly, it's also a way for our friends and family to have constant access to updates on how we are doing. I know that doing this will also be therapeutic to me in itself. Sometimes it all just feels like a dream. Lastly, for those who are willing, I'd like to ask for your prayers. We know that someday we will be Mommy and Daddy again...we are just not sure how or when. Please pray that in God's time and in God's way, it will happen again for us. We would appreciate that so much!