I recently emailed an out-of-state friend, just to vent to her about how it's so tiring for life to be so hard all the time. She emailed me back, and it was just exactly what I needed to hear.
Sometimes as Christians, we feel like we can't admit the times along the way when it's really hard to believe there's a plan for all this. At least it's hard for me to admit that. I can tell anyone when I'm struggling with life...I've never had a problem being open. But what's hard is saying that I have a hard time believing and trusting God through all this. I debated about even sharing this, as I don't want it to be used to tear down someone's faith, or solidify someone's beliefs who doesn't believe there's even a God in the first place. But, I've realized I want to be open about it. This is real life, and the journey of a Christian who's clinging to what she does believe in her heart.... Things aren't always easy on this road of life. I guess that's why we're human, and God is our loving heavenly Father. There will be times that I stumble and fall, and that can get pretty overwhelming when that becomes all I focus on.
Last Sunday at church, they sang "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord..." When I'm looking around with just my eyes, I see disappointment. I see major loss. I see what my arms should be holding. I see daily struggles that can just weigh one down until they feel like they're drowning in it. It's so easy for the eyes of our hearts to become closed due to bitterness, doubt and anger. But as I sang that song last Sunday, I felt the eyes of my heart open again. Eyes that can see more and further and a much bigger picture than my physical eyes can see. I felt a little glimmer of peace again. It's so easy to get caught up in the little disappointments and the BIG ones, and not remember that He is working all things together for good.
And that's what helps me deal with the anger and the doubt.
My friend that I emailed said that when we go though times in our life when we have doubt, that God sends us people that will help to carry our faith for us...until we can step back up and believe again. How blessed I am to have friends like that. Thank you, my sweet friend Debbie, and my friends here in Pa that have done that for me. Thank you for not only thinking of me, but for standing by us and praying for us every step of the way. Those prayers will be working in our lives for a long time.
I was thinking during that church service how we were never promised that bad things would not happen to us. But we are promised that God will help to carry us through every trouble. We are promised peace in the storm. I pray that the eyes to my heart stay open to see the bigger picture. I pray that all of this is used to make me stronger than I ever was before.
"Be confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Phil. 1:6
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
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