31 Weeks and a Few Thoughts...

First off, I apologize for not posting sooner! I know there are many of you who communicate your prayers to me as you follow our story, and I so appreciate that! Although I've had contractions every day since about 17 weeks, I've noticed them a bit more often than usual lately. Because of that, I've had to try to lay low as much as possible. Good news is that Mike recently brought our laptop home now that his football season is over at school, so I should be able to update more often now.

I am SO happy to be 31 weeks now!! I am still loving every minute of it! What used to feel like little kicks and flutters has now turned into roll and slide movements from one side of my belly to the other. I felt her stretch the other day, with her hands jabbing one side, and her feet nearly poking out of the other side. (It helps me identify which end is which when she has the hiccups.) Yesterday, she was moving so forcefully that Mike and I saw something little stick out of my belly about an inch or so, slide across, and repeating. We actually thought that was a little freaky, like something from the "Alien" movie! We are enjoying it all!

Some of you have asked about my due date. I'm due January 9th. It will be a c-section since I had one before. Please pray that I can make it to that time without any complications from contractions, etc... Another prayer request is about a dream Mike and I have had...to get to be in the operating room together, with me awake, and meet our little girl together for that first time. We would really appreciate your prayers for those two thingn.

We are really getting excited just thinking about meeting her, and we are just so thankful to be where we are now. God has really shown us a lot through all this, and I look forward to sharing that with you as we go along.

One of those things is actually something I learned soon after we lost Tyler. I would hear some people say that they are so blessed, as they seemed to have everything going right in their lives. (Not specific people, just in general.) Which gave me the question, "Am I not blessed? And those like me who have lost a child or are struggling..are we all just forgotten or overlooked?" But the truth really is that we are all blessed no matter what is going on in our lives. Sometimes, the clouds grow thick and cause those blessings to be more difficult to see, but they are still there.

I learned then that true thankfullness for life's blessings should happen no matter how discouraging our circumstances are. It doesn't mean it is easy to recognize or that we need to smile as we go through hard times. I just believe that God loves us each the same, and not one person is more lavishly blessed than another. Our blessings and our circumstances may just be different from what we hoped or expected. I just can't imagine that God has tiered levels where he places us to receive varying amounts of goodness. The goodness is always there...He just has to open our eyes enough to see the big picture.

Mike and I realized at our son's funeral that we were so blessed to have him, if even for six days. Were we smiling and happy to be at the funeral? No way! I remember feeling as though I was totally drowning in sorrow. But still, we knew our time with him would forever be a blessing.

So again now with our baby girl, we say we are soo thankful for the blessing that she is too. Sooooo thankful more than words can say!

We are also thankful for you for following our story, and for your prayers for all of us!

(This post is where I first talked about this idea of "Thankfullness, In All Times." I have a feeling it will explain these thoughts a lot more clearly.)

Thankfulness... In All Times

This is a topic I have wanted to write about for some time, and just could not find the words to match my thoughts. Please know this is not meant to sound judgemental at the different ways we all handle stress or sorrow. There is not a wrong way...we each handle things in our own personal ways. This is just a revelation that I have had and wanted to share, and I'm sure that I will be re-reading this post later to remind myself of the truth when I am not quite feeling it myself...

As humans, it is easy for us to proclaim in the happiest of times how good our God is. We hold off our praise until we get the answer we want, then we say, "God is awesome!!" What do we do then when times get rough? Do we cower and run or shake our fists angrily in His face? I have been there. I am all for being honest with God...question him all you want. Get angry. Let him know. He knows our most inward thoughts anyway, so what have we to hide? Of course, pain is not fun...losing a child goes beyond words. Finding out my sister has cancer is beyond shocking and frightening. If Jesus can take the good and the bad in His own life, shouldn't I then too??

It seems that the bad times really are the true test of faith. Again, it doesn't mean that we need to always smile and act cheery as we endure hardship. If I believe that God is awesome when my life seems to go so smoothly and perfectly, then I must believe that He is the same awesome God when the storm is rocking my boat. He does not change although my surrounding circumstances have. So if I am ever quick to shout that my God is so good when the seas are calm and beautiful, I hope I will still shout it as the storm rages on. I can honestly say that my sister Melissa has found the strength to do this right now...as her song is "Praise You in This Storm."

As people around me have their families and live out seemingly perfectly smooth days, I hear some say that they are so blessed. And indeed they are. But sometimes, the blessings from God go beyond the known circumstances that meet the human eye. I may not be receiving the specific blessings I want at the moment I ask for them, but I am still so blessed in so many other ways. Sometimes we become so focused on the blessings we are not getting, only to then miss the blessings that we are receiving.

Even now, as I order my son's gravestone, I too am blessed.

As I pray for my sister's chemo appointment tomorrow, I trust God to take care of her because He IS awesome!

I know God lovingly holds our past and our future, because He is good.

He raises us up from our circumstances, and places us high on that rock...so even though I see storm waves raging, I am not in them. They are all around me, but I'm not drowning. That's when we can lift our heads from sorrow and say--

"Yes, God, even now... we are blessed."

This post is dedicated to my Little Sis, who exemplifies this attitude that I strive for and inspires me to do the same. Love you, Miss.

*I just found out after posting all the above, that my sister's cancer is NOT in her bone marrow! Thank you, God!! Yes, just as you were five minutes ago, you are STILL good!!