Choosing to Believe

It's in these times, that my emotions and my fears make it hard to have hope for a future family. That's when I have to make a mental choice... to choose to believe... to choose to have hope. So many people have encouraged me by saying they truly do believe that we will have children again someday. I know God is really the only one that truly knows, but still, I receive strength from that encouragement. Just in the past day, I've heard it a few times... even once from someone who commented here. Someone I don't even know, but I thank you just the same. Thank you all for believing at a time when it is really hard for me to believe that.

His Scrapbook

While I was pregnant, I was going to start a scrapbook about my baby. I'm still planning on doing it, but for so long I just was putting it off. I started it yesterday, and it was painful! Everything is spread out in the guest room...which would have been the nursery. It felt so unreal as I sat in the room working on it. I should have been painting it and picking out cute curtains, not making a memory book of the baby that I lost. It felt so unfair. It was hard to just see everything again... all of his little things. His tiny little diaper. My hospital wristband. His social security card that will never be signed. His birth record with those cute, little footprints. The pictures of our beautiful time together. I let out a good, long cry which always helps me to be able to pick up and keep going with life. That, and knowing that somehow this is not the end... that that emptiness will be filled somday. My guest room will have a crib in it someday, holding our little baby that's waiting to be held by us. I DO believe that!