Monday, March 3, 2008
His Scrapbook
While I was pregnant, I was going to start a scrapbook about my baby. I'm still planning on doing it, but for so long I just was putting it off. I started it yesterday, and it was painful! Everything is spread out in the guest room...which would have been the nursery. It felt so unreal as I sat in the room working on it. I should have been painting it and picking out cute curtains, not making a memory book of the baby that I lost. It felt so unfair. It was hard to just see everything again... all of his little things. His tiny little diaper. My hospital wristband. His social security card that will never be signed. His birth record with those cute, little footprints. The pictures of our beautiful time together. I let out a good, long cry which always helps me to be able to pick up and keep going with life. That, and knowing that somehow this is not the end... that that emptiness will be filled somday. My guest room will have a crib in it someday, holding our little baby that's waiting to be held by us. I DO believe that!
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8 comments:
Hang on and cling to the Psalms, great comfort is found there.
Beth
I found your blog a few days ago. I've been coming back. You are an amazingly strong woman. Keep holding onto God and keep believing. And please know that you have been prayed for by someone who has cried a few tears for you in Ohio! I can't imagine the pain in your heart!
It's a long journey to that place where you are "healed"... you will never forget and one of day when you see those sweet footprints it will make you smile. I still look at my sweet baby girl and her items and sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel so lucky and blessed to have been her mother... three years and four pregnancies later I am waiting for my second child... my first was also early at 20 weeks and made it an hour. From one angel mom to another, there is always hope, and hope always wins.
I am so proud of you, Jenn. God is using you to touch others through the loss of Tyler, and in turn, you will be blessed. Keep holding on to Jesus! I love you and am blessed to call you sister...
Jenn,
I too believe that God is using you in a mighty way through all of this! I'm blessed to know you and see your strength!
Still praying for you!
I lost my daughter almost 2 years ago at birth from an umbilical cord accident and it was the most devastating thing I have ever endured. I built a playground in her memory and honored a friend of mines child with his name on the swings to help my heart heal. It is the greatest thing I have ever done besides become a mother. Sophie inspired me to give the children at our church a place to live, love and laugh. I will celebrate her 2nd birthday at her playground with cupcakes and balloons next week with the children at my church and now my precious new daughter. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift God could have ever given me in December. I healed from my tragedy a thousand times over on the day she was born and I promise you will too one day. It really stinks and I am sorry for the pain you have today and will continue to have but I promise you will get through this if you keep God close to you. Just a side note...you and husband will grieve in different ways. It is a fact of life. When...not if...you go through a crappy day with each other, just remember that he was created from your love and he deserves the same parents he would have had if he were still here. It sucks...there is no way around it but try to be patient with each other and rely on each other for the strength you will need in the coming days, months and years. I will be praying for you because I know...I really, really know your pain. God bless you both and remember that our children are playing in the greatest playground we could ever wish for. I think about that every time I look at the playground I built...it sustains me. Everytime you pass by a playground now, let it be a reminder of where he is and how he spends his glorious days.
Thank you for sharing this painful experience with us... my heart aches for you. I know God has a precious little baby just waiting for you!!!!
Jenn,
THanks for sharing your story and your feelings, I know that can help heal your open wounds as well. I can't imagine losing a child.
I wanted to invite you to www.pcosupport.org there's SOOO Much info and support for women dealing with PCOS. For trying to conceive, mourning a loss adn just matter of fact living with it.
I have it as well. My story in a nutshell can be found here (if the link really works) http://www.pcosupport.org/newsletter/articles/article122707-8.php
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