10 Months, Sweet Baby

It's hard to believe...

Today our sweet baby Tyler Michael would have been 10 months old.

Sometimes it feels like it was years ago when we saw him last, but then when I close my eyes, I can remember him so clearly. I can remember standing over his little bed and studying everything about him. Down to his cute little toes. I loved watching him wiggle and raise his little hand, and then I loved lowering my finger to his hand so he would grip on. These and so many more are memories tucked into my heart forever.

It's amazing how we can miss so much about him; we only knew him for that short time.

I remember shortly after the funeral, smelling his hospital blanket...and somehow I could still smell him. I held it to my face and sobbed. I remember feeling that the overwhelming, sick feeling was never going to go away. Everyone told me that with time, it would get better. At that moment, I didn't want that. I didn't want his sweet memory to grow distant, to get fainter. I wanted everything about him to be so fresh on my mind.

But it's true...the days and months have taken us further physically from those precious times. I close my eyes and it takes me a little while longer to remember the details. But they still come back to me...further from my mind, but not from my heart. And though there may be tears, my heart smiles now when I think of him.

My Sweet Baby Boy~ Even after 10 months, we could not be more proud of a baby. You were perfect in every way. But Tyler, now you are even more perfect...perfectly whole and well in heaven. I've seen you in my mind many times and what age I imagine you to be... I imagine you being 8 or 9 and running, playing... Daddy and I pray that God lets you know how much we love you, our sweet boy.