Never Forgotten, Little Man

Two years ago tonight,

this was the sunset the day Tyler passed away.

We love you so much, Tyler!

Always... Your Mommy and Daddy

Anticipation

Baby Girl,

You are our long-awaited miracle, a dream come true. How I have cherished your every movement, your every stretch and kick. Expecting you was a miracle in itself for me. Every ultrasound, every sound of your heartbeat captivated your Daddy and I and filled us with joy.

Every moment on bedrest, every trip to the hospital, every single contraction has been so worth it to see your sweet face. Do you know that friends and family prayed you here? To my 37th week I was never sure I'd see....the week we get to welcome you into our open arms. We cannot imagine how amazing that moment will be. Seeing you, touching you, hearing your first cry. So many treasured moments lie ahead that we have only dreamed about.

You are living proof that in all things, God has a plan. We couldn't have timed it any better. This week, we remembered losing your brother. But at the same time we anticipate the arrival of you. Thank you for being our joy that came after our sorrow.

A little gift from heaven, you are. We've prayed for you for years. And now we are just in awe that you will soon be here!! We are already soooo pround of you, Baby Girl, and can't wait to begin our lives with you!

Loving you so much already!!

We'll see you soon!

Mommy and Daddy

To all of you~ We found out that due to my scoliosis, I may not get to have a spinal/epidural. If that's the case, then I will have general anesthesia, which means Mike will not be in the OR with me. That has really been one of our dreams, to meet this baby at the same time. Please pray that as long as it's safe for her and me, that it will work out! Thanks so much for carrying us through with your prayers! Will update soon!! :)

Who Inspiires Me, You Ask?

Well, I'll tell ya. Ever since finding out about needing an amnio, I've been VERY nervous about it. Just because I am soooooo not a needles person. I've gotten so many blood tests and shots over the past years, and I have NEVER once looked at that needle! So the thought of an amnio needle piercing my belly and uterus just does not sound like a fun time.

So knowing that my amnio is in the morning, I have very much been anxious tonight just thinking about it. I know God has brought us this far, but still...I am human and yes, things like this scare me. (I know some Christians believe that Christians should never have fear, but I don't believe that....it's what you do with that fear that matters. Do you hold onto it, or let it go to the One that can take care of it.)

Anyway, so tonight I frankly had that "I'm gonna crap my pants" feeling just thinking about this amnio. Stupid and silly I know. Mike was talking with me and had just said a prayer for us that all would go well this week, then what happened right on cue?? Got a text from my sis Missy. Here's what it said--

"I'm praying for the Lord to fill your heart with so much peace! I KNOW you will do fine. I love you!"

Even before tonight I have thought many times about the MANY appointments, procedures and so-not-fun events she had to walk though...and she did it BRAVELY with no whining and complaining.

So this stupid little needle thing I'm doing tomorrow is really a walk in the park. If she can so bravely venture into transplants, chemo treatments, and appointments holding unknown news, then I can surely just get a grip and gather up a fraction of the courage she has.

That's a sister for ya...or better yet, that's MY sister for ya. SO thankful for both of them!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Tyler Michael

Tonight after Mike and I got home from visiting his parents, I asked him what time it was. "12:13," he said. Then he rounded the corner to come back toward me in the living room, and he silently just took my hand. This was the exact minute of Tyler's 2nd birthday. We were already standing right there, in front of his picture on the wall. We both said a few words to him, wishing him a happy 2nd birthday and telling him we missed him.

Missing him will never stop. Soon after we lost him, we prayed something. We felt like we were never going to get away from that sick, drowning in sorrow feeling when we thought of him. So we prayed that we'd be able to remember him with joy and smiles and not just pure heartache. It took a while, but we've slowly been able to do that.

Every little memory will be with us forever, and although our hearts still ache as we miss him, our hearts smile at the same time as our memeories walk us through those six days.

We are still just so thankful for our time with him and thankful for the healing that God has brough us these past two years.

And I can't help but think that just maybe...by our baby girl coming the same week that he did, that it's the extra measure of healing and grace that God planned for us all along.


Tyler~ Happy 2nd birthday, Baby Boy. Our hearts ache for you to be here home with us, but we know that truly...you are Home. We will tell your baby sister about you, and we'll never forget you. Thank you for being the first one to make us a proud Mommy and Daddy.

Forever Loving You~ Daddy, Mommy and Your Baby Sister

Be looking soon for my 37 week post and possibly the last post before little girl's arrival!

Days of December

Remember this ornament? Some of you may remember that this was an ornament given to us in memory of Tyler, the week that he was born and passed away, two years ago now.

A year ago to the day, I wrote a post that was also entitled "The Days of December." Oh, how much can change within a year. So much in December still takes us quickly back to memories of Tyler. The sight of twinkling Christmas lights and softly falling snow...and the sounds of Christmas music filling the air. In the past couple years, those things met us with deep sorrow as Christmas week was the time of both Tyler's birth and passing. Then later, they came on waves of sadness that were mixed with joy as we remembered those six days spent with our sweet son. And now, these December days...every chill in the air and every reminder of Christmas bring something different.

Mike and I always knew that if we were blessed with any future children, we would talk each year about Tyler as we hung up his ornament. We knew that was one way we could keep his memory alive in our family. Just this week, as we were hanging up that special ornament, we told this baby about her older brother. We told her how we love them both so much. So now it's a time of the memeories of Tyler merging with the complete joy of anticipating the arrival of our little girl.

And more news we have found out... We found out that her scheduled arrival will be the week of Christmas. Timing could not be any sweeter than that. And this is just one of many examples of the bond shared between this baby and her brother. Tyler's birthday falls on Sunday, December 20th. Sometime that week, they will schedule an amnio, then my C-Section, just days after Tyler's birthday. It is also an awesome reminder of a promise Mike and I have held onto for years now...that "sorrow may last for a day, but joy will come in the morning." We have both found ourselves in tears, just picturing that day we get to see her, face to face. Oh, what a sweet day that will be!

So let me tell you...whatever your sorrow, whatever your pain. Hold on, my friends. It may take years to get there, enduring circumstances we may never understand, but please believe one thing that God can do for you...

Your complete joy will come again someday.

We are living examples of that!

"...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

What?? 35 Weeks?!!!

Wow, how these weeks have flown by! LOTS to update you on, so get ready!! And now...I am 35 weeks! As always, with every weekly milestone, I am SO happy to be here with our baby girl! We thank God for each new day that we are given with our baby girl!

We just celebrated wonderful news at Thanksgiving... that I was 34 weeks, AND also that my sister received awesome news that week. She first found out that she was finally matched with TWO donors-- the cord blood of two babies. How thankful we are those parents decided to donate that. Also, she found out the results of her PET scan showed BOTH the size and activity of her cancer to have decreased. That is the first time ever that both decreased. Yes, lots to be thankful for that week!

Lately my days are either quite relaxed while I am just lying back and loving every moment. Her movements have changed from those brief flutters to later feeling quick flips and quick slides across my belly, to now....they are mostly just slow glides of her feet that I can literally see go across my belly. I also love to imagine what she will look like. Now, if I am not kicked back and relaxed enjoying those moments, I am probably feeling crunch time coming on... feeling the hectic craziness of everything that I need to do yet...that "running around like a chicken with it's head cut off" feeling. And it would be a very pregnant chicken running around. How's that for a visual of me right now, huh?

I found out the other day that just as I have been, Mike has also been picturing her to have lots of dark hair. At our recent ultrasound this week, the ultrasound tech pointed out the many tips of hair you could see encircling her entire head. It'll be so fun to actually see her and not just imagine her looks! We also had a growth scan on the baby that day. Through ultrasound, they measure the circumference of her head and belly, and the lengths of her humerus and femur. It gives an estimate of her weight. We were expecting her to be slightly above average as she has been, but I'm guessing this girl really enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner! Mike guessed her to be 5 pounds, 14 ounces; I guessed her to be an even six pounds. She is actually pushing 7 pounds already at 35 weeks! Poor girl....already has people tracking her weight for her.

No fat jokes about her, please. ;)

I do have to say I am happy to be having a C-Section!