Sometimes I get the impression that there is a theory floating out there that believes that there comes a time when you "get over it." You let go of the memory and move on. You quit talking about it. You stop wondering, questioning certain things, and wishing for a different end to the story. But truthfully, that's not how it works.
Acceptance really is not a one-time deal, at least not for me in my situation. Each day I accept that this is where we are now. Yes, I wish he were here, but he's not. I have to accept that... again and again.
At the beach recently, we all went out for dinner one night. As we were walking around, I was well aware that there should have been a stroller in front of me. But there wasn't.
There is some healing that comes from being able to say-- "This is where we are now." Acceptance, over and over again. But hopefully, the days that I remind myself to accept will space further and further apart.
Thankfully, the questioning is not overtaking my days anymore, and the wishing does not leave me sobbing every time as it once did. From the start, we prayed that we would remember our sweet baby with joy someday and less pain...and we've been getting there.
Every grieving person, no matter the situation, deserves the unconditional permission to process and deal with their own unexplainable loss. Grief is one of those things that doesn't come with a neat, little instruction manual...
but it does come with a God who is willing to carry you through it.
Forever My Love
Married June 9, 2001
About Us
- Jenn
- In God's timing, we learned we were expecting our first baby. We were thrilled beyond words to be expecting our Sweet Baby Tyler. In December of 2007, at 25 weeks, I went into premature labor, and Tyler was born on December 20, 2007. We had 6 amazing days to spend with our beautiful boy. We savored every moment, reading him stories in the NICU, including the Christmas story. Right then, he opened his eyes for the first time for his mommy and daddy...our best Christmas present ever. He went home to be with Jesus the next morning. We trust God with His plan, and rest in knowing that this is not the end of our story... and now, two years later, it turns out that it wasn't the end of our story. We are NOW thrilled to be expecting a baby girl, who is due January 9, 2010! If you are struggling, just know it is not over...this is not the end. Your story is still being written!
4 comments:
That is so beautifully put. It has been 6 years since we lost Dylan. I have no problem talking about to this day. I cant help if it makes others feel uncomfortable. We now have 2 daughters and there are times when people say dont you want a boy. I often say we do and he lives in heaven.
My daughters are now the ones who talk about their brother. ITs such a sweet thing.
Praying for you today!
I hope you know how far you've come. I couldn't find these words until she was gone at least a year. I think the day we finally finished her playground at my church I was able to breath for the first time. You have the greatest gift from God because you have hope for the future and for the great things He has in store for you. If Landry is any reward for the pain that I have endured then it was worth the lesson I learned from the experience. She is such a gift. Our babies are playing in the greatest playground we could ever want for them and I live every day knowing that she has peace, happiness and is eternally whole. It feels so good to know that she is in His arms.
You are and will be blessed again!
Grief is an interesting thing. It is like a road trip. For each person it is a different road, different stops, different surfaces on the road, different ends.
I think you are right - it is really acceptance. This is the place you live in now. It is as if you have gone to a different country to live and you are still learning the language and the culture.
Keep on your road trip in this different country the Lord has placed you in. You will make it, even though on some days you are not sure. Keep the faith. I know because I have been on the road trip in the country you are in.
Beth Johnson
Montgomery, Al
It has been over 2 years since our Hope died and I still think about her all the time and in no way am I ever scared to talk about her... although I still feel the pain and miss her. You and Mike have come so far and to be at this place of acceptance is a great place to be. Grief takes time and is different for all of us. It takes time to find your new "noraml" once you are in that place of where we are now... time doesn't heal all things but time makes things a little more acceptable.
Post a Comment