(First of all, I have to say that Mike's face is really not twice the size of mine as it appears. That's what happens when you're the one standing closer to the wide angle lens. Just trust me on this one.)
The other day I found myself staring at this photo on my fridge. Mike walked in and looked at me strangely, then I laughed and realized how odd I looked...seemingly entranced by my refrigerator door.
I was really staring at this picture though. This photo of me and Mike was taken several years ago. We had been married for probably 3 years, but had no idea of any future fertility issues.
What drew me in was noticing how untouched by life we seemed to be in this picture-- just pure joy, giddy love, and carefree spirits. How quickly we can so be robbed of those things by life's struggles and challenges. I know we all face them. I feel I will only be forever robbed of those things IF I allow it to happen.
It's definitely not a one-time decision to not let this happen. Sometimes I have to decide every day that I won't let my situation forever rob me of my own life and of loving life. It's just like asking God for help and for peace. That's not a one-time deal either. I ask again and again. I definitely can't do it on my own.
So would I return to the day of that picture if I could to replace life now? Honestly? No way.
I've learned too much from all this. Learned to not take sooo many things for granted that I have before. Learned that we may not always get what we pray for...but that's still an answer...an answer we may understand in our lifetime, but maybe not. I've learned that our God is really not this vindictive thing that just zaps people left and right. He sees more and knows more than our human minds can understand.
And more importantly, I've gained too much from this whole situation. We gained Tyler and the memories of those six, glorious days. These struggles usually make or break a marriage, and I'm so thankful that it's made mine and brought Mike and me so much closer. Words can't even explain how awesome he's been through all this, but that's probably another post for another time...
These are things that I wouldn't trade for anything...not even for being "untouched" again.
4 comments:
Thank you for letting me in on this journey of dealing and healing with you. I look forward to the what the Lord is and going to do in your life.
Beth Johnson
Montgomery, Al
Being able to come out of this as a couple will only make you stronger. We came close to throwing in the towel once or twice but now we are better than we ever were before. As sad as it is to say, you both will learn a ton from this and the healing that goes with it, and one day you will be able to hold someone else's hand as they go through something similar.
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